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Waitressing Gripes Page - Stupid Questions Archive

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What's the Stupidest Question you've Ever Been Asked by a Customer?

(More that got deleted from the main page after a while)

Diner Girl
Andrea Baylis in Lexington, Kentucky:
Lee C. in Winslow, Maine:

"What's the difference between the barbecued ribs and the poached salmon?" Before I could think of an answer that wouldn't make her look like a fool, the owner of the place, who was standing a few feet away chimed in, "If you beat your fish, it'll die!"

Holly in Savannah, Georgia:
Michelle in Detroit, Michigan:

What is the difference between the 10oz. beer & the 20oz. beer?

Kelly Delaney, Pittsburgh, PA:

customer: can I have the portabella sandwich without mushrooms?
server: Uh, sure the bread here is great.

Micah H. in Cincinnati, Ohio:
Lisa in Crystal Lake, Illinois:
Lenny in Charlottetown, Canada:

Q: I see on this menu you have Curried Seafood Chowder, is there a lot of Curry in that?

Q: Do you have any more water?
A: I'm not quite sure, wait there's some in the nice ocean view we have, hopefully I can find some somewhere you cheap bastard.

Josh Wimmer in Lincoln Nebraska:

Lady: What do you have that's seafood? I'm a vegetarian, and the only meat I can eat is seafood.
Me: Well, then, you're not a vegetarian.
Lady: Yes. I am.

Wendy Bosma from Penticton, British Columbia:

Q: Can I get my eggs over easy with no yoke?

Stacey from Stillwater, Minnesota:

Q: Do you have a sweet wine?
A: Yes, I have a white zinfandel.
Q: Ok, but can I get the pink zinfandel?

Debra Rush in Morriston, Florida

Q: Would you like toast or biscuits?
A: What is the difference?

Michelle Storey in Sedona, Arizona:

Q: Can I get you something to drink while you decide?
A: No, we'll just have water. (What are you going to do? Look at it? Water isn't something to drink?)

Q: What's the difference between the pork ribs and the beef ribs?
A: Ummm, one goes moo, one goes oink.

Leslie McReynolds in Columbia, Missouri:

Q: Is this duck? I ordered duck. This looks like beef. I've had Peking duck before. I know duck. Is this duck?

A:(From my manager) Of course it is duck sir.
To which he responds that she is a liar and we are trying to trick him. Of course, he eats the whole thing anyway.

Customer: I ordered the Mother Clone Zinfandel.
Me: Yes ma'am. You did.
C: Why is it red?

Q: What are these onions? I orderd a KC Strip. I didn't know it came with this!
A: (And I really said this) Well sir, if you would actually read your menu, you'd find these things out. Neat, huh?

Q: (After ordering the chocolate fondue) What do we do with these big long forks?

Rhona from Leeds in the U.K.:

Q. why are there only two tortillas with this? the menu says four!
A. no, the menu says FLOUR!

Amy in Galesburg, Illinois:

Q: Does your iced tea come with ice?

Jody in Seminole, Florida:

Q: Would you like that pie a la mode?
A: No, I just want that with ice cream!!

Q: Would you like dessert tonight?
A: No, I'll just have some pie.

Erin in Las Vegas:

Q. How many lobster tails do you get with the three lobster tail dinner?
A. 4

Q. Can I get the cold water lobster tails served hot?
A. You don't get out much do you?

Q. Does a steak come with that Outback Special? (the outback special is a steak)

Jessica from Marietta, Ohio:

customer: What all comes on the half pound BBQ onion burger?
server: It comes with lettuce, tomato, pickles, sauteed onions, and BBQ sauce.
customer: (looks at husband) But honey that has no meat on it.

Jeff in Plano, Texas:

Q: "Is the Cajun Chicken spicy?"
A: Uhhh, that depends. Do you have taste buds?

Q: "Which is better the Halibut or the Trout?"
A: Well, the Halibut is $18 and the Trout is $12. You look like a Halibut person to me.

Q: "Is the food any good here?"
A: Nope, in fact I think that fella over there's about to puke.

Q: "What do kids usually eat here?"
A: About 3 bites of what they order. The rest goes on their clothes and the floor.

Q: "What's the Soup du jour?"
A: Uh, the soup of the day.(Credit to the movie "Dumb and Dumber")

Q: "What do you like here?"
A: Good tippers who can make up their own minds.

Q: "What did you say your name was?"
(multiple answers)
--I didn't.
--Why, are we neighbors?
--Why... WHO sent you?!?
--Habib! (especially works if you use a strong hick accent).
--Why, what's yours?
--Oh, snapping your fingers or calling me "boy" will do.

Q: "Is the water free?"
A: Nope, just the first round.

Q: "Hey is our table ready?"
A: Yep your'e the next one up (even though you don't know what the name is and you aren't the host).

Susan McDonald in London, Ontario:

Q: "Could I have a caesar salad?"
A: "Sure."
Q: "Oh, and I can get that with thousand island dressing?"

Q: "I'll have the Shrimp Inferno."
A: "Great."

Q: "Is that hot?" (I restrained myself from suggesting that "inferno" isn't a term that we use to decribe a pleasant walk in the park.)

Beth in Illinois:
Russell Flowers in Bowling Green, Kentucky:

Q: What's chili?
Q: What's a taco?
(different customers)

Cathy Watson in beautiful Redondo Beach, CA:

A customer asked me, "What kind of eggs are these 'Ranch' eggs? Is that like ranch-flavored or something?"

Allison, Virginia Beach, Virginia:

I work at a Pancake House and am frequently asked:
Q: What kind of syrup do you have?
A: Maple, blueberry and strawberry
Q: Do you have any regular?

Q: What are ham chunks?
A: chunks of ham

Noel M.:
Berlie, in the rockin' East Bay town of Pleasanton, California:

customer: What are the soups for today?
server: Chicken noodle and Split pea...
(Customer's face shows an obvious dislike for these soups.)
customer: What other soups do you have tonight??
server: Ummmmm, we have....split pea and chicken noodle
(using a tone the implies I forgot to mention these "other" two soups)
Lookout folks, it's a conspiracy. We actually have her favorite soup...but we're NOT telling her!! Please!!

Kari Svennes, Beresford, South Dakota:

This one is answered at least two times a morning every morning I work...I ask, "How would you like your eggs done?"

I am expecting a response such as Over Medium, Over Hard, or Over Easy. Instead this is what I frequently simply get: "Over".

Paula in Texas:

Q: Do your steaks come from cows or bulls?
A: Hello, they come in packages it's not like we go outside and say, he wants a cow , harry, slaughter that one.

Q: They walk in the door past an extremely large bar. You get to the table and they say do you have mixed drinks?
A: Um, no we just have a bar so everyone can look at it, um, it's just for the employees no customers allowed. We just have all those bottles for decoration.

Q: Is our food ready yet?
A: Well, let me see it's well done and i told you it would take at least 15 min. um, no since it has only been 5 min. and uh, wouldn't it be at your table if it were ready,after all that is my job right?

Greg at a Red Lobster in Tennessee:

We carry a dish called 'Lobster, Shrimp, and Scallop Pasta'. AT LEAST once a day, I get the obvious question.....'What kind of seafood is in that?'

Peg T:

Q.) "Is the Lasagna homemade, because it says here on the menu that it is."
A.) "Hum"

Q.) "Why are you always here."
A.) No reply

Q.) "I'll have the 2 eggs breakfast special. Does that come with a salad bar?"
A.) "Ya we always serve salad with breakfast.
Man and his wife come in there first time to the restaurant, Obviously not seeing the huge Pepsi sign they ask for Coke. I reply we have Pepsi products only, a blank stare from the customer. "We'll just have water."
~~Next Day~~
Same man and his wife come in. "Do you have Coke?"

Q.) Is there going to be hair on my food when you bring it out?
A.) I can arrange for that.

Q.) What's the difference between 1/4 Chicken and 3 pc. chicken.
A.) About fifty cents.

Michelle in Orlando, Fl:

Do you have anything else free to drink besides water?

(While standing in front of the bathrooms) Where are your bathrooms?

Is Chardonnay a white wine?

I used to work on Disney property and people used to always ask: Where do you people live? Does disney house everyone that works here?

The Rhoads' in Allentown, PA:

From a customer's mouth, "I ordered a seltzer water. This one has too much carbonation in it. Can you get me another one?"

Pete R.:

From the Bar...

From the Floor...

Becky in MD:
From Cheryl in Denver, CO:

My personal favorite was walking up to a table and introducing myself, I would say "Hi there, I'm Cheryl, can I get you something to dri . .. " and the person would bark out "I want the Aussie steak well done" my reply would then be "that is terrific, would you like me to cut it into tiny pieces so you can get it up the straw?"

Elise in Ohio:
Stephen in Atlanta, GA:

Q: "Can I get this guacamole without avocado?" A: (Was unable to reply except to shake my head to indicate a negative response)

Q: (After being asked if customers want something to drink while looking over the menu): "Do you have water?" A: (Unable to reply to this)

Q: "Do y'all have a restroom" A: "No, sorry, we just always go on the kitchen floor."

Q: "The ice cream isn't old or spolied or anything, is it? It's for my child" A: "As a matter of fact, m'am, since you asked: we only serve ice cream laced with several different disease causing bacteria when it is for CHILDREN"

Jennifer J.:

I work at a hamburger restaurant, where people can choose many different toppings on their burgers...the burgers come in two sizes, 1/4lb. and 1/2 lb. At almost every other table, someone will be ordering and I say (about ten thousand times a night) "would you like the 1/2lb or 1/4lb size?" They procede to stare at me blankly, and say, "Which one is bigger?" PLEASE! People need to review their math (it will also come in handy when deciding on a 15% tip)!!

Brooke H. in Baltimore:
"Peaches" in Baltimore, Maryland:
Chris Grace:
Pat O. In Salado, Texas:
Just "Brett":
From Natalie Mellon:

working at a B-B-Q resturaunt , the stupidest question:
What is the difference between the pork and beef?

From Erin, who works in Las Vegas:

It doesn't help that I have come to hate people working in this place, and now have little or no tolerance for cheap women in gold lame hats that want a Porterhouse steak butterflied. We at our restaurant have come up with a top ten list of the stupidest questions ever asked us.

10. Q. Do you live here? A. No I commute in from LA every night to wait on you.
9. Q. How big is your 12 oz prime rib? A. About 12 ounces
8. Q. Can I have my Porterhouse butterflied? A. Do you have a chainsaw on you?
7. Q. Will the steak come out on the plate with that? A. (What can you say to that)
6. Q. Are your french fries fried? A. hysterical laughing
5. Q. Are there any grocery stores here? A. No ma'm we go out to eat, every night in the hotel we live in.
4. Q. What kind of fish/meat is your filet? A. That would be a steak
3. Q. This one is more of a statement- "This frozen Margarita is warm" A. Ok how can ice be warm?
2. Q. What is the salmon? A. Last time I looked it was a sort of pinkish fish
1. Q. Are your grilled shrimp fried? A. Blank stare at the shock of peoples stupidity

From Lynn:
    1. Do you have fish & chips?

    2. Do you sell pizza?

    3. Is this all you have?

From someone who used to work at the Olive Garden:

Q: do you have a vegetarian meat sauce?

Q: do you know why this coke tastes funny?
A: I'll check it but I changed the CO2 yesterday.
Reaction: There is CO2 in this, what are you trying to do, kill people?

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